You're Not Alone
by southernbelle4
Summary: All in the Family from a different POV...I know it's 3 years too late....Oh well! Added scenes, what I would have liked to have seen...R & R!


You're Not Alone---  
  
PG  
  
Yes, this is another one of those, "That fateful Valentine's Day-" stories, and yes, it is about three years too late. Oh well. This is told from a friend's point of view. A few added scenes and conversation. Give it a try, and Please review.  
  
Disclaimer: I hate having to remind y'all that I don't own any of this, because y'all are all smart enough to know that. At least I hope you are! The song at the end is "You're Not Alone Tonight" written and performed by Keith Urban.  
  
On with the story:  
  
*****  
  
It was something I thought I would never see.  
  
It was terrible. The blood, the ripped flesh, the expression on his face. His face was normally a place of calm serenity, a place I could look to for a comforting smile, where I could read exactly what he was thinking, just by looking in his eyes. Those expressions had now been replaced by fear, anger, pain, and denial. I could read him like a book, and could only wish that I could take some of his pain away from him.  
  
I was one of the first people in the room after Dr. Weaver had screamed. I had been just across the hall, dealing with a teenager who had ingested some unknown chemical. I heard her, and knew that something was not right. She just didn't express her emotions in a vocal way.  
  
I stepped into the room, and saw everything. Lucy on the other side of the gurney, the gaping hole in her throat. Then I looked at my feet and saw John lying there, surrounded by a pool of blood. His blood.  
  
"Check Carter, Jing Mei!"  
  
I followed Kerry's instructions without a thought. I was instantly down beside him, mechanically checking his vital signs. I was too busy in my task to even notice that I was being covered in his blood. He had a pulse, but it was weak. He had to have already lost several liters.  
  
All of this had happened in a matter of seconds. Luka and Abby were soon at my side, checking him over as well. Lydia had grabbed backboard out of the hallway, and we lifted him onto it, being careful to support his back.  
  
We all grabbed onto the backboard and began to carry him to trauma room, although I can't say I was much help. It had all begun to sink in. I was weak in the knees, and was probably more of a hindrance than help in getting him out of curtain area 3.  
  
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Kerry and Dave working on Lucy, but I realized that I had to focus on John. I couldn't let myself get distracted. He needed me now more than ever.  
  
Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. Heleh was on the phone with the police, Randi had just paged Dr. Benton, and was now paging Drs. Greene and Corday.  
  
Once we got to the Trauma room, Luka took over primary care. I was glad he did, because I was having trouble thinking straight, much less running a trauma. Per Luka's instruction we rolled John to get an idea of where the wounds were. The two entrance wounds were too close to his spinal cord. Abby asked about paralysis. The thought of him living with total paralysis hit me like a ton of bricks. He was too good a doctor for this to stop him.  
  
We acknowledged that there could be damage to the spleen, colon or intestines, depending on how large the knife was. Luka ordered a foley, but it was at that moment that Dr. Benton came charging into the room, demanding to know if he was conscious. I hadn't thought about how important John was to him. Their teacher/student dynamic had been a roller coaster ride, but I knew deep down that they both had a mutual admiration for one another.  
  
After assessing John wounds, Dr. Benton barked out some orders, reiterating the need for the foley that Luka had ordered earlier. Then the other trauma room called for Dr. Benton to come and trach Lucy.  
  
I was checking John's pupils when he began to make purposeful movements. In fact he called me by name.  
  
"Deb."  
  
"John!"  
  
"Deb. My back."  
  
"I know. You were stabbed-"  
  
He began to ask about Lucy next door, when a member of the Chicago P.D. appeared behind me and asked John if he saw who it was that stabbed him. John shook his head no, but the officer was insistent to get more information. I couldn't take it. It was at that moment that John let out a wail of pain because of the foley.  
  
"I'm sorry. You can't do this now!" I pushed him aside, and began to monitor the foley output. It was red. Blood red.  
  
"Dr. Kovac."  
  
I held up the bag, in plain view for Luka, but completely out of John's line of vision. But he knew me too well. He could tell in my voice that something wasn't right.  
  
"What? What is it?" John whispered weakly.  
  
Luka ignored him and told me to get Benton.  
  
"He needs to go up now!"  
  
I dashed to the other trauma room, trying to get Benton's attention. He was in mid procedure when I got there, but Kerry told him that he needed to go. They had more surgeons on the way. He followed me back to John's bedside. A quick assessment proved that he did need to go to the OR that minute. John's stats were quickly declining.  
  
We detached him from all the machines, and ran down the hall with his gurney, towards the elevator. Luka had gone to help Kerry, but Lydia, Abby, Dr. Benton and I rolled him down the hall as quickly as possible. I was situated above his head, opposite his mentor. Both of us were ordering John to stay awake. He was rather lethargic at this point.  
  
Our team met up with Dr. Green and Dr. Corday as they were racing to the other trauma room.  
  
"A patient did this?"  
  
I'm not sure which one said this. I was in a haze. All I could think of was getting John up to the operating room.  
  
Peter told Elizabeth that they needed a surgeon in the other trauma room, and she quickly headed for Lucy, followed by Mark. We got to the elevator, and I froze. My feet wouldn't go any further.  
  
"Stay awake until you get up to the OR, you hear me John?"  
  
I said this knowing that it could be the last time I ever said anything to him. It could be the last memories I have of the man I care for so much. I watched as Peter and Lydia, along with their patient disappeared behind the elevator doors.  
  
Abby stood behind me in too much shock to say anything. I eventually felt her presence moving. I still stood there, unable to cry, unable to do anything, except replay the horrific scene over and over in my head again.  
  
It seemed like about an hour, although it could have easily only been five minutes later but I did at some point find myself retreating to the lounge. I had lost all sense of time. I shoved the door open, and collapsed onto the big leather couch and gave into my emotions.  
  
Sometime later, the door opened and, wiping my eyes, I turned around to find Dr. Green doing the same thing. He looked at me and walked to the couch and sat down beside me.  
  
"How are you doing?"  
  
"I'm okay, I guess. Any word from the OR?"  
  
"Not yet."  
  
"Lucy?"  
  
"We had to crack her chest. She was stable when we sent her up."  
  
I couldn't say anything. I simply nodded.  
  
The man beside me sighed quietly, seemingly attempting to take all of the days events in. He then spoke up in a hushed tone.  
  
"You care about him, a lot don't you?"  
  
"I can't imagine not having him around here," I said, avoiding his question.  
  
Dr. Green looked into my eyes, still searching for a response to his inquiry. Having no emotional will power at the time, I looked away from him, and whispered my concurrence.  
  
"Yes. I care about him-a lot. He's my best friend, and I don't know what I'd do without him."  
  
The older doctor smiled at me in a knowing way, and patted my shoulder. He got up to leave, and I somehow mustered a smile.  
  
"He'll be fine, Jing Mei."  
  
"I know."  
  
He disappeared behind the swinging door, and I felt that talking about what had happened helped. I knew I had to get back to work, and I did, but John was never out of mind. Several easy patients were taken care of in no time, and I was finishing with a hand laceration when I noticed Abby motioning to me from outside the exam room.  
  
"What's up?" I asked as we walked down the hallway towards the ambulance bay.  
  
"Auto versus pedestrian. Dr. Green told me to give it to you."  
  
"ETA?"  
  
"Now."  
  
"Fine."  
  
"Have you heard anything from upstairs?"  
  
"Uh, they will call down when everything is okay," I said, with an momentary peace that John would be all right.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
We showed our ID's to the Police that were guarding the automatic doors. The patient was combative, and acting uncontrollably. I glanced at his wrist and noticed the hospital identification band. Paul Sobricki.  
  
"Go get Weaver," I said in a moment of panic. It was the man who had done this to my friends. I had to take in a deep breath to get my emotions under control.  
  
We got Paul into the trauma room, and Weaver soon followed. The patient began to say something about not sticking him, and us not knowing him. Common signs of schizophrenia. I tried to get a good look at his pupils, when he broke his head free of the restraints. I jumped back in fear as Malik jumped up to help, and Yosh asked Dr. Weaver about Haldol.  
  
I don't know why, but she backed away from the gurney and slipped into the next exam room as she gave saline and haldol orders to Yosh. I wish I could have gotten away too, but I felt a lot better when Dr. Green entered through the same door Weaver had exited.  
  
After Paul had been successfully sedated, Dr. Green excused me from the room, because they were only waiting for Dr. DeRadd's evaluation. I left the room, and searched for a quiet place to be alone. The Lounge was being used by the police who were talking to who I assumed to be Paul's wife.  
  
I was glad to see that the supply room was empty. I walked in and leaned against the closets, and took a deep breath. It was only then did I realize that I had been off for about an hour. It was after 2:00 am. My thoughts returned to John upstairs. Was he in any pain? Was he awake? Was he alive? In my heart, I knew he would be okay, but being a doctor, and having seen his injuries, Logic wouldn't let me get my hopes up.  
  
"Penny for your thoughts?"  
  
My wandering mind was interrupted by Dave.  
  
"Oh, I was just realizing how late it is. I was off an hour ago."  
  
"And you were thinking about Carter?"  
  
"Uh, yeah."  
  
"I figured. Anyway, I'm off, too. Are you planning on hanging around here until you hear something?"  
  
"I feel like I'm suffocating, but I don't want to bee too far when we get some news."  
  
"Doc's? My treat."  
  
"Sure, why not."  
  
We both got our coats and headed across the street to the rundown café that we all frequented. We walked in out of the cold, and Dave ordered us two cups of coffee. We were about to sit down when we heard a thickly accented voice speak up.  
  
Turning around, we found Luka and Abby sitting at a booth, looking as frazzled as I felt. Dave and I walked over and sat down.  
  
"I guess you didn't want to go home either?" Dave said.  
  
"Yep," replied the Croatian man sitting next to me.  
  
"We thought it was better than waiting upstairs," Abby responded.  
  
I remained quiet while they tried to make small talk. That small talk didn't feel right. All I could think about was John. This continued until Lydia and Heleh joined us, and we began to share stories about John and Lucy. If anyone can liven up a room, it's those two.  
  
They were telling a story about Vanessa, and my memory clicked.  
  
"Not Vanessa, Vanessa."  
  
"The one and only" replied Heleh. "You know her?"  
  
"Oh, I saw her in medical school."  
  
"Well," Lydia continued the story, "Carter orders a pelvic. Tells Lucy the patient would feel more comfortable with a woman."  
  
"Oh man." This was the first time I had laughed all night.  
  
Dave had this goofy confused look on his face. "What? I don't get it."  
  
Heleh ignored him and took over the story. "Well Lucy is all official. She's polite, she gets her tray all in order. Puts on her gloves, pulls back the curtain-"  
  
"Meanwhile Carter's outside waiting," Lydia pipes up.  
  
Luka was as confused as Dave. "Waiting for what?" he asked.  
  
"The scream," I facilitated. Dave still didn't get it. I sighed at his inability to figure this out. "Carter sent her in to do a pelvic on a drag queen."  
  
Abby finally spoke up. "No he didn't."  
  
We all cracked up at that point, but it didn't last.  
  
Chuny entered Doc's amidst all the laughter. The expression on her face sent a wave of terror through my body. No. He couldn't be dead. No one wanted to know what she was going to say, knowing by the look in her eyes that it was not good news.  
  
"What is it?" Luka finally asked.  
  
Please God. Don't let it be John. That was all that I could think.  
  
"Uh, Lucy," was all that the Latina nurse could get out of her mouth.  
  
I looked down at my hands, and tried to keep the tears from falling. Not many, but just enough found their way from my face to my shirt.  
  
"What about Carter?" Heleh asked.  
  
"He's out of surgery and in recovery. Dr. Benton says that he's going to be all right."  
  
I took in a deep breath. I was so thankful that my best friend was alive. That was the only thought that was going through my mind. John was alive, John was alive. But then it hit me how selfish that was. I hadn't been close to Lucy, but she seemed like a promising student with a bright future ahead of her. She wasn't going to get that chance.  
  
I couldn't help but think about how John would deal with losing Lucy. They had become very close, and I hated to think that he might blame himself for this. I knew him well enough to know that he would take responsibility for Lucy's death.  
  
The whole group was silent for a while, but they began to realize that they had to be back in six hours, and one by one, they all left. Dave first, then Abby, Heleh, and Lydia. Soon Luka and I were the only ones left.  
  
"Are you going to head home?"  
  
"Uh, no. I'm off tomorrow. I'm going to go back over there, and check on him." I stood to let him out of the booth.  
  
"Do you want me to walk you back over there?"  
  
"No I just need a few minutes to myself, if you don't mind."  
  
"No problem." He turned to leave. Then he turned back towards me. "Hey Jing Mei, he's going to be okay."  
  
He patted my hand, and I nodded, not looking him in the eye. "I know he is."  
  
"Goodbye."  
  
"Bye, Luka. Oh, and thank you."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"For saving him."  
  
"We all did that together."  
  
He walked out the door, and I was alone.  
  
I stayed in that booth for about a half hour simply clearing my head. I desperately tried to make sense of all that had gone on in the past five hours or so. A life saved, a life cut short. Some doctors had been successful, while others felt that they had failed. The complexity of the situation was enough to make my head spin. What if things had turned out differently? What if-What if it was John who was lying in the morgue?  
  
I pushed that though from my mind, and reminded myself that he was going to be fine. Or alive at least.  
  
I finished my cup of coffee, and walked out of the diner into the blustery cold wind that exemplify Chicago in February. The short walk across the street was inhibited by the necessary ID check, as the police investigation was still going on.  
  
Once inside, I avoided going near the room that was now surrounded with canary yellow police tape. Crime scene. That's what it said. It was ironic, seeing as this is a hospital, a place typically though of as a haven for safety and health and protection.  
  
Thankfully the elevator was empty. I had to get myself under control before I saw him. I had to be strong for him, if not for myself. I took in a deep breath, for the umpteenth time that night, as I watched the numbers on the elevator wall climb.  
  
When I got to the recovery floor, the nurse on duty helped me find John's room. I thanked her, and looked through the windowed door into the room. Dr. Benton was restlessly asleep in a chair, next to the bed where is protégé was resting.  
  
I tapped on the door to get the surgeon's attention. He is a light sleeper, thank goodness, and didn't keep me waiting outside for very long. He stepped outside, and I saw the exhaustion in his dark brown eyes.  
  
"How is he?"  
  
"He's as good as can be expected, I guess. The pain medication put him out pretty quickly. He's been asleep for about an hour."  
  
"How are you doing?"  
  
"Okay. I didn't want to leave him alone. None of his family is in town right now."  
  
"Are you on tomorrow?"  
  
"Yea, I've got a bypass in three hours."  
  
"Why don't you go get some sleep, Dr. Benton? I'm off tomorrow, so I can stay with him as long as I need to."  
  
"You don't mind?"  
  
"Not at all."  
  
"Thanks. I owe you one. I'll be in the on-call room. Page me if anything changes."  
  
"I will."  
  
He turned to go, but only after adding, "He is really going to be fine, Jing Mei. We made sure of that."  
  
I nodded to myself, and watched him round the corner. I pushed open the door, and took off my jacket, hat and scarf. I sat down in the chair that Dr. Benton had just occupied moments before.  
  
I tried for a while to get comfortable enough to get some rest, but that rest never came. My eyes were plastered on that face that, just hours before, had been smiling and cheerful. That had been replaced with a look of restlessness and pain. I counted the beeps of the heart monitor, knowing that every one that I heard was a good sign.  
  
The darkness of the room was reminiscent of the journey that I knew John would have to travel in his recovery. This wasn't going to be easy for him, and I knew that.  
  
I was in the midst of these thoughts when I caught a glimpse of movement on the bed. I walked over to it, and saw John's eyes beginning to open. I didn't want him to be afraid when he woke up, so I quietly called out to him.  
  
"John."  
  
"Lucy?"  
  
It was obvious that the pain medication had not completely worn off.  
  
"No, it's Deb. I'm right here, John."  
  
"Deb. What are you doing here?"  
  
"Dr. Benton had to go get some sleep. He has a shift in a little while. I told him I'd stay here with you. Do you need anything?"  
  
"Uh, some water would be nice."  
  
"I don't know, John. I'll have to check Dr. Benton's orders."  
  
He nodded slightly. I turned to go find the floor nurse to find out about the water, but he stopped me.  
  
"Wait. Don't go. I-I don't want to be alone."  
  
"Okay. I'll stay. I'm not going anywhere unless you tell me too."  
  
"Thanks Deb-for everything. For being here now and for helping me today after it happened. I don't remember a lot, but I know you were there."  
  
I smiled at his sincerity.  
  
"Let's just say you owe me one, John," I joked.  
  
"You got it."  
  
I pulled the chair up next to the bed, and got comfortable.  
  
"Are your parents coming in?"  
  
"Not a clue. I think someone tried to get a hold of them, but no one's told me anything."  
  
"I can try again if you need me to."  
  
"Don't worry about it, Deb. It's strange, you know. How much more of a family co-workers can be than a person's actual family members. I wouldn't have made it if it weren't for all of you."  
  
"Don't get all sentimental, John. Just get better. And get some sleep. Doctors orders."  
  
"I'll try. You'll stay?"  
  
"As long as you need me. I'm not going anywhere. You're not going to be alone, I promise."  
  
+++++++++  
  
We all have our days  
  
When nothing goes as planned  
  
Not a soul in the world  
  
Seems to understand  
  
And for someone to talk to  
  
You'd give anything  
  
Well go on and cry out loud  
  
Cause someone's listening  
  
And call it an angel  
  
Call it a muse  
  
And call it karma that you've got coming to you  
  
What's the difference  
  
What's in name  
  
What matters most is never ever losing faith  
  
Cause it's going to be alright  
  
You're not alone tonight  
  
What'd you think? Let me know! 


End file.
